Debt so bad I'm lost

My family's debt is so bad and I don't know what to do.  Tried everything I could think of but we can't seem to make any headway. That is not totally true, we make headway but we loose it 3x faster then we make it. And I am pretty sure the main culprit is my dear husband, he is AWFUL with money. We both believed that if I took over the bill paying (after years of arguing) it would fix the problem. That was a big joke, instead of fixing the problems it seems to have just delayed the downfall and removed my husband from the reality of it and increased my stress so much that my some times tick has turned into an all the time tick. At the same time I am no angel, since my husband seems unable to curb his spending I have been spending a little more than I need.  Getting super depressed again, will write more later....Happy savings

Medical Benefits and the Budget

It is that time of year again, open enrollment for next years medical benefits. There use to be a time that I could just leave my choices from the current year and not worry about it since the only difference from one year to the next were the premiums. This has not been the case in the past few years. Each year there have been significant changes to the medical benefit options my employer offers, this year is no different actually I think it's more confusing then ever.

Medical Benefits changes - the ones that affect the money
1. cost of monthly premiums
2. Now there is a deductible
3. There is a healthy incentive premium credit

The issue is that my husband and I work for the same company and typically he covers himself and the children and I cover myself, this way we save about a dollar a month. Now we don't know what to do. If my husband covers every one we will be paying more in premiums then if i cover myself (factoring in the premium credits) but we will have a lot less in the deductible area that we are responsible for and a smaller stop loss.

I have been thinking about this for a week and I guess I will be thinking about it for a few more days before we decide what is best.
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Will we survive this credit card debt?

Yesterday we argued again, I have been trying to keep track of our spending by using the online bank account to track discretionary spending. Both my husband and I work for the same company and we each get paid once a month on the same day. This has made tracking expenses, especially for spending extra hard.

Well it seems my husband feels I am nagging him about his spending, in reality I was trying to figure out what the ATM withdrawals he made and check card purchases were for. All I want to do is set a budget before pay day so we can determine how much we can afford to put towards paying down debt. This is the issue we had when I handled the finances in the beginning of our marriage. I figured we would each get an allowance and we would never need to have this conversation again; we just need to be able to determine what we need for what.

After a 20 minute conversation that got got every one upset and totally made me feel defeated and like giving up, my husband looks at me and says that he likes me doing the finances because it makes him think about every dollar before he spends it. Really??? How do you hate it and like it at the same time. I am so tired right now and it has only been a couple of weeks. I feel like throwing in the towel but I know that is giving up on my family's security and future.

Making Extra Cash to pay off Credit Card Debt?

I have decided to try bringing in some extra money. Now I say trying because my current job is pretty demanding and the hours can vary. Along with travel time and kids it makes it a little hard to work a standard part time job.

Was talking to a friend who always works 1 or 2 part time jobs along with her main job. She mentioned that she got a second part time job for 10$ an hour. Nothing major just a few hours a week, but it provided her travel money.

I have been playing around with the ideal of writing for one of the internet sites that pay you for each article you write. The pay is only a few dollars per article but I figure 2-3 articles and I have $10 bucks to help pay down a bill. I am going to try it and see what happens.

Right now I am looking at Helium and Associated Content, think I will start with one of them. Any thoughts?

Another Helpful article

The New York Times has a really good article in its Your Money section. The article is called Hurry up and Credit My Money
by Ron Lieber. The article explains why banks can and do delay crediting our accounts for deposits but seem to instantly apply debits. The article is insightful and I especially like the comments.

Should I just walk away? Article on dealing with debt

Here is an article by David Streitfeld it is in the New Your Times. The article is about walking away from debt and defaulting, not because you have to but because you can. I have not considered this option and don't think I want to. but I may change my mind once I get the full picture of the credit card debt damage. The article is called When Debtors Decide to Default. What do you think?

How the Credit Card Debt Happaned

Lately my husband and I have been having problems. Typically he is very calm and even keel, but for the past few months he has been short tempered and a bit mean at times. After making the $100,000 debt discovery and talking it out with him, turns out he realized we were in trouble and did not know how to tell me or how to fix it.

Seems like dear husband was working on paying off the debt seriously (without telling me) for the past year. I thought we had been working on paying it off for years and were nearly done. A year ago our daycare bill went down substantially, freeing up a couple of hundred bucks which my husband started applying to paying off credit cards, and a couple of small ones did get paid off. One still has a $0 balance but the other is worse then ever with a $15,000 balance. Then the downturn in the economy hit us and we found our selves short $1000 a month. This is when the debt started growing instead of shrinking. We did adjust our spending, but not nearly enough. I assumed we were in a good spot financially and my husband did not want to tell me other wise. Seems he did not want to appear as a failure or change the family (or his) lifestyle.

I must accept my part in this HUGE mess. I should have insisted on seeing the bills, I was never kept from the bills but I knew that it would cause issues so I did not look. All I had to do was open the credit card statements and I would have see the problem before it became larger then a Boeing 747. Wish I had, I thought the worst that was going on were the debts being paid off slower then I would want. NEVER thought the debt was GROWING.

Here is how I think we got into this $100,000 debt mess, roughly. We moved to a new state a few years ago and got in about $30,000 debt then, from over spending, home repairs and moving expenses. Then we had a difficult pregnancy and after insurance there was a $20,000 bill which was placed on credit cards. The other 45 - 50,000 seems to have been racked up from the next two moves and living above our means. I just didn't realize it was above our means since I had buried my head in the sand about the debt.

Next...Moving Forward....