My family's debt is so bad and I don't know what to do. Tried everything I could think of but we can't seem to make any headway. That is not totally true, we make headway but we loose it 3x faster then we make it. And I am pretty sure the main culprit is my dear husband, he is AWFUL with money. We both believed that if I took over the bill paying (after years of arguing) it would fix the problem. That was a big joke, instead of fixing the problems it seems to have just delayed the downfall and removed my husband from the reality of it and increased my stress so much that my some times tick has turned into an all the time tick. At the same time I am no angel, since my husband seems unable to curb his spending I have been spending a little more than I need. Getting super depressed again, will write more later....Happy savings
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Will we survive this credit card debt?
Yesterday we argued again, I have been trying to keep track of our spending by using the online bank account to track discretionary spending. Both my husband and I work for the same company and we each get paid once a month on the same day. This has made tracking expenses, especially for spending extra hard.
Well it seems my husband feels I am nagging him about his spending, in reality I was trying to figure out what the ATM withdrawals he made and check card purchases were for. All I want to do is set a budget before pay day so we can determine how much we can afford to put towards paying down debt. This is the issue we had when I handled the finances in the beginning of our marriage. I figured we would each get an allowance and we would never need to have this conversation again; we just need to be able to determine what we need for what.
After a 20 minute conversation that got got every one upset and totally made me feel defeated and like giving up, my husband looks at me and says that he likes me doing the finances because it makes him think about every dollar before he spends it. Really??? How do you hate it and like it at the same time. I am so tired right now and it has only been a couple of weeks. I feel like throwing in the towel but I know that is giving up on my family's security and future.
Well it seems my husband feels I am nagging him about his spending, in reality I was trying to figure out what the ATM withdrawals he made and check card purchases were for. All I want to do is set a budget before pay day so we can determine how much we can afford to put towards paying down debt. This is the issue we had when I handled the finances in the beginning of our marriage. I figured we would each get an allowance and we would never need to have this conversation again; we just need to be able to determine what we need for what.
After a 20 minute conversation that got got every one upset and totally made me feel defeated and like giving up, my husband looks at me and says that he likes me doing the finances because it makes him think about every dollar before he spends it. Really??? How do you hate it and like it at the same time. I am so tired right now and it has only been a couple of weeks. I feel like throwing in the towel but I know that is giving up on my family's security and future.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Weekend slip I mean trip...
About 3 months ago my husband announced that he wanted the family to travel out of town for the weekend. He was running a race in another city and thought we could have a family weekend and see the sites.
At first I was like OK but once I found out how much we are in debt I was no longer interested in spending the money for a family weekend. At the same time I wanted to support my husband and did not want ANOTHER money argument. So we went on the weekend we did get a great rate on the hotel but had to pay for parking and eat.
I cringe at the amount of money that was spent, not because it was a lot(it wasn't) but I feel in our situation any amount of money is too much. I have decided to swallow this one and be quite, since the trip was planed under 'old management'.
I must say that as a family we have been doing better with our spending in the past week. It has been harder for my husband but we have decided to do allowances, hoping this helps. Will keep you posted.
At first I was like OK but once I found out how much we are in debt I was no longer interested in spending the money for a family weekend. At the same time I wanted to support my husband and did not want ANOTHER money argument. So we went on the weekend we did get a great rate on the hotel but had to pay for parking and eat.
I cringe at the amount of money that was spent, not because it was a lot(it wasn't) but I feel in our situation any amount of money is too much. I have decided to swallow this one and be quite, since the trip was planed under 'old management'.
I must say that as a family we have been doing better with our spending in the past week. It has been harder for my husband but we have decided to do allowances, hoping this helps. Will keep you posted.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Moving Forward after Discovering Credit Card Debt
OK we are attempting to formulate a plan for going forward and tackling the huge amount of debt we are in. $100,000 is forefront in my mind everyday ALL day. I feel like a failure and am embarrassed to discuss or tell friends or family. I can only discuss with my husband for a few minutes at a time or he becomes defensive. I feel so lost and alone, really hope keeping this blog helps to keep me sane.
We have attempted to do a budget and I say attempted because it turns out my husbands records are basically non existent. His process was to pay the bills and then shred them, there are no records of anything that was not a set bill, no record of the credit card charges or debit card use or bank withdrawals. Of course there are records of the charges or withdrawals themselves but no records saying what the charges and withdrawals are for.
So we have been able to say what are major bills are such as mortgage, utilities, anything with a monthly bill. But we are unable to determine anything else. At this point I am very frustrated but I do think we will be able to start to dig our selves out of this $100,000 hole...
We have attempted to do a budget and I say attempted because it turns out my husbands records are basically non existent. His process was to pay the bills and then shred them, there are no records of anything that was not a set bill, no record of the credit card charges or debit card use or bank withdrawals. Of course there are records of the charges or withdrawals themselves but no records saying what the charges and withdrawals are for.
So we have been able to say what are major bills are such as mortgage, utilities, anything with a monthly bill. But we are unable to determine anything else. At this point I am very frustrated but I do think we will be able to start to dig our selves out of this $100,000 hole...
Monday, September 14, 2009
How the Credit Card Debt Happaned
Lately my husband and I have been having problems. Typically he is very calm and even keel, but for the past few months he has been short tempered and a bit mean at times. After making the $100,000 debt discovery and talking it out with him, turns out he realized we were in trouble and did not know how to tell me or how to fix it.
Seems like dear husband was working on paying off the debt seriously (without telling me) for the past year. I thought we had been working on paying it off for years and were nearly done. A year ago our daycare bill went down substantially, freeing up a couple of hundred bucks which my husband started applying to paying off credit cards, and a couple of small ones did get paid off. One still has a $0 balance but the other is worse then ever with a $15,000 balance. Then the downturn in the economy hit us and we found our selves short $1000 a month. This is when the debt started growing instead of shrinking. We did adjust our spending, but not nearly enough. I assumed we were in a good spot financially and my husband did not want to tell me other wise. Seems he did not want to appear as a failure or change the family (or his) lifestyle.
I must accept my part in this HUGE mess. I should have insisted on seeing the bills, I was never kept from the bills but I knew that it would cause issues so I did not look. All I had to do was open the credit card statements and I would have see the problem before it became larger then a Boeing 747. Wish I had, I thought the worst that was going on were the debts being paid off slower then I would want. NEVER thought the debt was GROWING.
Here is how I think we got into this $100,000 debt mess, roughly. We moved to a new state a few years ago and got in about $30,000 debt then, from over spending, home repairs and moving expenses. Then we had a difficult pregnancy and after insurance there was a $20,000 bill which was placed on credit cards. The other 45 - 50,000 seems to have been racked up from the next two moves and living above our means. I just didn't realize it was above our means since I had buried my head in the sand about the debt.
Next...Moving Forward....
Seems like dear husband was working on paying off the debt seriously (without telling me) for the past year. I thought we had been working on paying it off for years and were nearly done. A year ago our daycare bill went down substantially, freeing up a couple of hundred bucks which my husband started applying to paying off credit cards, and a couple of small ones did get paid off. One still has a $0 balance but the other is worse then ever with a $15,000 balance. Then the downturn in the economy hit us and we found our selves short $1000 a month. This is when the debt started growing instead of shrinking. We did adjust our spending, but not nearly enough. I assumed we were in a good spot financially and my husband did not want to tell me other wise. Seems he did not want to appear as a failure or change the family (or his) lifestyle.
I must accept my part in this HUGE mess. I should have insisted on seeing the bills, I was never kept from the bills but I knew that it would cause issues so I did not look. All I had to do was open the credit card statements and I would have see the problem before it became larger then a Boeing 747. Wish I had, I thought the worst that was going on were the debts being paid off slower then I would want. NEVER thought the debt was GROWING.
Here is how I think we got into this $100,000 debt mess, roughly. We moved to a new state a few years ago and got in about $30,000 debt then, from over spending, home repairs and moving expenses. Then we had a difficult pregnancy and after insurance there was a $20,000 bill which was placed on credit cards. The other 45 - 50,000 seems to have been racked up from the next two moves and living above our means. I just didn't realize it was above our means since I had buried my head in the sand about the debt.
Next...Moving Forward....
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